Calming Anxious Kids: Tools from a Pro (with Kaitlyn Torres)

Is your child’s “stomachache” really worry in disguise? Or maybe their irritability is more than just a bad mood? In this episode of Emotions with Ease, I sit down with my friend Kaitlyn Torres, APCC, a child and teen anxiety specialist, to unpack the everyday signs of anxiety—and how parents can respond with calm confidence.

Kaitlyn is a San Diego-based therapist (and mom of two!) who brings warmth, humor, and seriously practical tools. We cover everything from “frequent flyers” to the school nurse, to what to say in the middle of an anxious spiral, to how parents’ own anxiety plays into the mix.

Whether you’re parenting a worrier or just want to strengthen emotional wellness in your family, this conversation is packed with lightbulb moments.

Episode Highlights & Timestamps

[00:00] Welcome & Introduction
Why I invited Caitlyn on the show and her passion for helping kids with anxiety and ADHD.

[05:04] Surprising Signs of Anxiety

• Irritability as a hidden anxiety symptom

• Avoidance (sports, school, social events)

• Headaches, stomachaches, muscle tension

[08:28] When Parents Are Anxious Too

• Why anxious parents often over-accommodate

• How your own childhood anxiety shapes your parenting today

• Shifting from “fixing” to helping kids build tolerance

[12:28] What an “Anxious Spiral” Looks Like

• The difference between externalizing (meltdowns) and internalizing (shut down) behavior

• How to respond when your child is spiraling

[19:29] The Power of Co-Regulation

• Why your calm is step one

• “Be the thermostat, not the thermometer”

• Why logic doesn’t work in the heat of the moment

[22:21] Avoiding Over-Dependence

• Spotting and praising bravery in everyday life

• Using the Support Statement (Empathy + Confidence)

• Why parents should “say it, then stop talking”

[28:25] Everyday Routines That Calm Anxiety

• Anchor points (like nightly reading)

• Modeling your own self-talk around stress

• Building silliness and playfulness into the day

[34:19] The Goal Isn’t to Eliminate Anxiety

• Helping kids learn to tolerate discomfort

• Why tolerating anxiety builds resilience for life

[36:12] Kaitlyn’s Personal Shares

• The emotion she gets stuck in as a mom

• Her go-to regulation tool right now (hint: sometimes it’s watching a fun show guilt-free!)

Key Takeaways

• Anxiety in kids often shows up as irritability, avoidance, or stomachaches, not just panic attacks.

• Parents with their own anxiety may over-accommodate—try shifting toward helping kids tolerate discomfort instead of removing it.

• In the middle of an anxious spiral, don’t try to reason—regulate yourself first, then co-regulate with your child.

• Use a simple Support Statement: “It makes sense you feel nervous… and I’m confident you can handle this.” Then stop talking and let it land.

• Create anchor points in your day—like reading together or dancing in the kitchen—that bring predictability and joy.

• Remember: the goal isn’t to erase anxiety, but to help kids grow the confidence to handle it.

Resources Mentioned

📖 Breaking Free from Childhood Anxiety and OCD by Eli Lebowitz

👉 Follow Kaitlyn on Instagram: @kaitlyntorrestherapy 

Ready to Parent with More Ease?

If you loved this episode, share it with a friend who needs a little extra calm in their parenting toolkit. And don’t forget to subscribe to the Emotions with Ease podcast so you never miss practical tools for raising kids with confidence and connection.

💌 Want more strategies for worry and anxiousness? Grab the BACK TO SCHOOL WORRY TOOLKIT https://sacredgroundcoaching.myflodesk.com/q27kuxqpid